I read a quote from Adam Grant the other day re-posted by Kristen Bell on Instagram:
“A common mistake of youth:
Defining impact as the size of audience we reach, instead of the difference we make to each person we reach.
Meaning comes more from mattering to a few than from being known by many.”
This to me has been my biggest struggle in maintaining a social media/online presence. I spent the first little while making huge goals about how many followers I wanted to have, hoping to get enough to maybe even make a living doing this, being an influencer, being asked to write books about what I’d already blogged about, making connections with authors and so forth. (And I’ll be honest, I’d still love that!) But I’ve struggled so much with bouts of depression and anxiety that my consistency leaves a lot to be desired. So rather than continue to write/blog/Instagram for the love of it I convinced myself that I’d never accomplish my goals or make a difference so why bother. And that train of thought kept me going for quite some time. Even though I’ve missed the writing outlet and the little connections I had made through Instagram and Facebook I talked myself out of participating because I wasn’t doing it in a big enough way.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m a huge fan of setting and working towards goals. Those goals I mentioned are still in the back of my mind and something I’d still like to work toward. But in light of recognizing my own limitations and circumstances (vs holding myself up to someone else’s expectations) I’m slowly learning how to set goals that are flexible and more personal. And recognizing when my mind and body are cooperating and when they need a break. My timelines have shifted. I’m much more forgiving. The goal is more often “try” than “triumph”, participation rather than perfection. There is joy to be found in the experience, not just in success and that’s a lesson I’m constantly re-learning. And if the only person I make a difference for is myself, well then, so be it. I’m slowly learning that I’m worth it!
The past year and a half has been an interesting ride. And aside from the past few months there are few things I can point a finger at and name as causes or effects of the minor breakdown I’ve been working through. I’m coming to think it’s just life and that leaves me both comforted and frustrated at the same time.
I’ve battled anxiety and depression on varying levels off and on for years. Sometimes I can pinpoint triggers for the panic attacks or bouts of depression and sometimes they come on unawares. I’ve also struggled with some health issues (some diagnosed but most not) for the bulk of those same years. And it seems as I reach that lovely age of middleness that my coping mechanisms and strategies are losing their efficacy, the triggers are more sensitive and it takes a lot more effort to bounce back. And that compounds the problem (not being able to do what I used to or what I want or think I should contributes to the feeling of failing, that I’ll never measure up and what’s the point anyway…vicious circle!)
I constantly set goals that I don’t reach and strive to push myself harder than I can handle because I’m working with an old mindset (my mindset but now outdated.) The trick is in learning to accept and acknowledge where I am NOW and how I can work within those parameters to set new goals that still equal progress (even if the progress is much slower than I want it to be.) It’s a constant battle that I have to fight every single day…which ironically, often leaves little energy for actually working on said goals. But I’ve noticed that when I can slow down and breathe and focus on the now (over the future or even the goal) I stay on track better and longer leaving more energy for the goals. But like I said, it’s not a habit yet, it’s still an every day struggle.
Some things that help (when I can get out of my head enough to just do them…)
Yoga–I am old and have been inflexible since birth, but I feel great when it’s all over! I absolutely adore Yoga with Adriene on YouTube.
Meditation—So hard, but so helpful even if it’s just for a few minutes. Sometimes I’ll zone out while staring at a flame and sometimes I actively try to empty my mind while repeating a mantra. Either way works.
Deep breathing –I might be the shallowest breather known to man. This is a surprisingly constant struggle. I have many, many alarms on my phone set to remind me to do this throughout the day.
Uplifting reading–Things like scriptures, poetry, even some self-help books—reading for fun or learning is a different category!
Water–Drink it and observe/listen to it!
Music–whatever kind feeds your soul. If you’re not sure, listen to a bit of everything and figure it out!
Nature–Sometimes it’s watching through my kitchen window the puppy across the way romp across the grass, sometimes it’s a legit hike or mountain excursion or just a few minutes with my feet in the grass.
Gratitude–The days I take time to sit and reflect and list 3 things I’m grateful for go immensely better than the days I don’t.
Forgiveness–This is a lot harder and less concrete than gratitude, but just as vital-forgive yourself, forgive others, forgive yourself again.
Creating–Wow, this one was eye-opening and huge! I’ve GOT to find a way to be creative every single day. It’s like its own form of medication/meditation. And one of the reasons why I’m writing this right now.
These are just a few. If there’s anyone out there actually reading this, I’d love to hear what helps you stay focused, be successful (whatever that might look like for you), and make progress. What am I missing? What should I try?
I’ve started this post at least a dozen times. And re-written this version at least a dozen more. Basically it’s been a long, rough road to get back to where I am. And in light of everything that’s happening in the world my own issues seem trivial and unimportant. But the fact is, even though they’re not global or newsworthy they’re still trials I have to go through and battle each and every day and there are millions of us going through similar struggles against the backdrop of something bigger than us all. This is not to diminish the things happening around us (that is not at all my intention so please don’t misunderstand) this is simply to acknowledge that I see you and I understand. I know that your anxiety or depression or struggles with your health or weight, your battle with your beliefs, your search for God or goodness or healing or hope, your family issues, your job and money concerns didn’t stop or go away because we suddenly found ourselves dealing with a pandemic or racial injustice or climate change and natural disasters. In fact, if you’re like me, they’ve gotten worse while simultaneously being pushed to the side so we could focus on everything screaming into our faces day in and day out. And rightly so. Our world is in great need of change and healing and we, the people, have proven to ourselves time and again that we don’t value the minority. And when the minority goes ignored for years on end it has no choice but to start screaming. So please get out there and march and vote and let your voice be heard. Let’s make some changes and shake up the establishment. But when you’re done, come back and continue reading.
Welcome back, where were we? Oh yes, you! How are you? No, how are you really? Take a deep breath and answer honestly. Those issues that got pushed aside? Let’s pull them out and shine the spotlight on them for just a moment. It hurts, doesn’t it? It hurts that they are still there. We are powerful enough to enact change in our communities and our world and yet those thorns in our side continues to nag at us and make our daily life a misery. It’s so often easier to ignore them, work around them, push past them in order to do what needs to be done. But I’m slowly learning, that just like those issues that build and finally erupt on a global scale, our own issues behave in much the same way. We can only ignore them for so long before we find that they are screaming in our faces, impossible to ignore. The easiest example to see is a health issue that we power through because we don’t have time to deal with it. Eventually our body takes charge and we often find ourselves flat in bed (or worse) literally unable to go any further until we acknowledge the weakness, nurture it, allow it to heal and then hopefully move on stronger and wiser. The key in this process is the acknowledgement of it…whether we do this on our own or are forced to by the condition itself, nothing changes until the acknowledgement occurs.
So, even though there are history-making things at play all around us we need to take the time to acknowledge what is ours right here, right now. It’s okay to be struggling. It’s okay to have other things to deal with than pandemics and conversations about race. It’s okay to not be able to fully participate in those conversations and debates because we have to have the strength left to deal with what is our particular lot in life. Own it and know that sometimes it will own you. And that’s okay. That’s part of being human. Even if we like to think that everyone else has it better or easier than us, we’ve all got sh** to deal with and that’s the truth.
So, the next few posts will be an acknowledgement of my sh**. No answers or cures, just my paltry experiences and insights in an effort to get myself back to “normal” (whatever the heck that even means these days.) The book reviews will return. I’ll enlighten you as to some of the things I’ve been up to the past year and a half (good grief!) And I’ll get into a routine again because I’ve desperately missed this. But for now, we’re going to explore some vulnerabilities and see what we can do to just get moving again. Join me, won’t you?
Disclosure: Some of the links below are affiliate links, meaning, at no additional cost to you, I will earn a small commission if you click through and make a purchase.
In honor of Martin Luther King, Jr. Day today my Facebook and Instagram feeds have been full of quotes by the amazing man which are unfortunately still more than relevant decades after his death. I’d like to think we’ve made some progress as a society but watching the news it’s hard to imagine that we’ve taken any steps forward at all. But I have to take comfort in the fact that his words are still alive and well, that people believe them enough to share them, and hopefully that means they are living them as well. “A man dies when he refuses to stand up for that which is right. A man dies when he refuses to stand up for justice. A man dies when he refuses to take a stand for that which is true.” There are few better examples of standing up for what’s right than those laid out in this book.
I honestly don’t remember when I first heard about Operation Underground Railroad but it’s been on my radar for the last couple of years and it’s become a cause that is near and dear to my heart. Over 27 million people (including at least 13 million children) are victims of modern-day slavery (slave labor, sex trade, etc.), with over 100,000 of those children living here in the United States. OUR goes around the world breaking up human trafficking rings and rescuing and rehabilitating the victims. They’ve arrested countless traffickers and rescued hundreds of victims.
Some books are so powerful they punch you in the solar plexus and leave you gasping for breath for days or longer. This book is one of those. It details a bit of the founding of the organization, touches on a few of the rescue operations they’ve undergone, and talks about how the name Operation Underground Railroad came about by profiling a slave named Harriet Jacobs. Born into slavery she continually rebuffs the advances of her master and he retaliates by selling her children. After years of searching and fighting for them they are finally reunited and she spends the rest of her life working and fighting to abolish slavery. She’s an amazing woman I’d never heard of before, and just one example of many who risked and gave their lives to ensure others wouldn’t have to suffer in the same way.
It’s a fascinating look at slavery as we commonly think of it (around the time of the Civil War) as well as the atrocities that continue today. Be warned, I cried with nearly every page turn. Sometimes ugly, hiccuping sobs. It’s brutal. And that’s all the more reason why I think you should read it.
There’s also a phenomenal documentary on Amazon Prime right now about one of their rescue missions in Haiti that is discussed in the book. Check out Operation Toussaint, it’s a tough subject that everyone needs to be made aware of so spread the word and let’s make sure another child doesn’t have to experience the horrors of human trafficking. And if you’re so inclined, you can become an abolitionist or supporter by donating time or resources for the cause. Head over to their website for more details and find some happiness for yourself by seeking happiness for others.
It’s that time of year when we all focus our attention on
improving ourselves. Gym parking lots are full. Spinach sales are up. Self-help
books are flying off the shelves and alarms go off earlier than usual. (I have
no idea if any of those statements are actual fact aside from the gym one, but I
feel pretty confident that they are.) Each year we set goals and resolutions
that last maybe a week or two and then fall by the wayside until the following
January when we dust them off and swear that we’ll be true to them this time.
And I am no exception. I’ve always been
a goal maker and I believe that is what has helped me to accomplish so much of
what I have throughout my life. But I’ve definitely failed at more goals than I’ve
reached. And it seems as if each year I’m making some of the same resolutions
over again. (Though I did have some awesome accomplishments last year too—50 hikes
on the record, over 250 books read, another stamp in my passport, and several
household projects done!)
I’ve even read a ton of books on how to make and keep goals,
the science behind our habits and how to make lasting changes (only a few of those
teachings have stuck, apparently!) But I continue to make them and I continue
to make steps, even baby ones, towards the end goal. And I’ve found that the
smaller steps and changes tend to last.
Many have started choosing intentions or words of the year to focus on
and I love this idea. Using an overriding thought to influence your actions in
all areas of life can be a powerful way to enact change.
This year I tried to simplify a bit. I still have my list of
things I’d like to accomplish, from daily habits to bucket-list type events,
but I boiled them all down to 2 basic overriding themes. One, I want to get up
with my alarm and stick to my daily schedule. And two, within that schedule I’ve
allotted specific writing times to work on finally finishing a book. (Yeah,
anyone who knows me will know I’ve set both those goals before…but this just
might be the year!) My mantra/thought/intention to follow along with those is: “Never
miss twice.” Obviously, the goal is to hit 100% every day but this way when
life gets out of control and things fall apart it will hopefully be a little
easier to get myself back on track and start again. Even if I routinely miss
every other day, I’ll still make some great progress.
What goals or resolutions have you set for 2019? Or do you
set them at all? What’s your method of inspiring yourself and staying motivated?
How have you found the most success? What success did you see in 2018? Tell me
all about them in the comments and good luck in your endeavors. You’ve got this!
Disclosure: Some of the links below are affiliate links, meaning, at no additional cost to you, I will earn a small commission if you click through and make a purchase.
I’ve long been fascinated with space; staring up at the
twinkling lights above imagining being one of the first people to see them and
thinking up stories to explain how they got there, or pondering if there’s
anything else alive out there. If I weren’t so darn claustrophobic, I’d be
saving up my pennies for one of those tourist trips on a rocket ship so I could
voyage into the great unknown and see the stars and planets and swirling,
multi-colored universes.
Earlier this year I read a book that shaped much of the rest
of my reading for the year, a book I gushed about, foisted on both of my book
clubs, and mulled over during many empty moments. And it was all about space!
Fifty years ago the world was in turmoil (sound familiar?)
The president saw a need for something to bring the country together, to put a
temporary halt to the violence and chaos that were dividing the country, to
give us something to work on and root for together. (Yeah, that part doesn’t
sound too familiar right now, darnit.) So, he made a bold proclamation that
America would be the first to reach the moon. And we were off.
Enter Rocket Men, by Robert Kurson. He starts with a brief re-cap of the tumultuous events around the country and world in 1968, Kennedy’s announcement and the ensuing space race. And then he takes time to introduce us to each of the three men who would make history by venturing to the moon. We get a great glimpse into the lives of the three key players of the Apollo 8 mission (Frank Borman, James Lovell, and Bill Anders), their backgrounds, training, and everything that brought them to be in the right place at the right time. We also get to watch the fledgling organization known as NASA navigate wholly uncharted waters. We cheer along with the rest of humanity (in retrospect) as the men loop around to the dark side of the moon and emerge safely on the other side. And we feel just a little more hopeful about the world and humanity as we view the famous earthrise photo, our first glimpse of the sphere of green and blue that supports life as we know it.
This is the ultimate mix of history, biography, adventure, exploration,
and the celebration of the human spirit. I was wowed and amazed at nearly every
page. The hubs and I read this one out loud to each other and constantly paused
to exclaim over the gall of the people involved. We were amazed over and over
again at passages that talked about engineers and mathematicians who had a
strictly pen and paper proof of something convince the astronauts to climb into
overgrown tin cans and launch themselves into the final frontier where
literally no man had gone before, with only mathematical equations to guarantee
that they would survive and return safely. And the astronauts’ courage to risk
their lives to do it.
If you need a little bit more hope in your lives, I cannot recommend this book enough. And if you love this one as much as I do here are a few others to keep you reading!
Disclosure: Some of the links below are affiliate links, meaning, at no additional cost to you, I will earn a small commission if you click through and make a purchase.
Bridging the gap between a picture book and early chapter
book this tale of a brother and sister duo is sure to please.
Having moved into a new house the two were feeling a bit
discombobulated amongst the movers and boxes and chaos. Nothing was as it
should be and everything felt foreign and new. So they made the most of it by
commandeering a box and setting sail on a grand adventure.
First Mate Sam and Captain Mabel voyage in the Handle With
Care over rough seas, past pirates and sea serpents to a new land. But they’re
not sure they’re ready for the dangers that may wait for them outside of the
safety of their boat. But eventually
hunger wins out and Sam makes the first daring move.
Next Mabel becomes a tour guide among the artifacts that
used to belong in the before house. At the New House Museum she imparts her
wisdom and experience but again Sam gets to have his say.
In the final chapter the two adventurers are off to space
exploring the darkness and their new surroundings. This time its mom and dad to
the rescue and as they all bed down for the night they’re eager for the
prospects of more exploring on the horizon.
Sweet tales of adaptation and confronting fears with heart
and soul and adorable details.
Disclosure: Some of the links below are affiliate links, meaning, at no additional cost to you, I will earn a small commission if you click through and make a purchase.
First Sentence: In a cave in the woods,
in his deep, dark lair,
through the long, cold winter
sleeps a great brown bear.
Said bear sleeps (and snores) through the day and night, through storm and a host of uninvited guests. A tiny mouse stumbles in and builds a fire and is quickly joined by a hare, a badger, a gopher, a mole, a raven and a wren. They share food with each other, pop popcorn, laugh and visit while bear snores on unaware until a rogue pepper flake makes its way to his nose and he sneezes himself awake. I’ll let you read this yourself to find the ending but it’s got a fun little twist, just perfect for preschoolers.
There are a lot of rhyming picture books out there and a lot of them are just mediocre. They look great on the page and even sound good in your head, but when you try to read them aloud the words and rhythms just fail to flow smoothly. Not so with our Ms. Wilson. She has a veritable gift for verse. And she uses some lovely words to do it. Nothing about her vocabulary is trite or tired, another reason why I love her so much. At an age when children are gaining words in their own vocabulary at the rate of +/- 5 or so words a day, the more rich language they are exposed to the better. So the bear’s cave is also referred to as a lair and a den. The animals ‘pitter-pat,’ ‘creep-crawl,’ ‘sneak-peek,’ and ‘scuttle;’ and they ‘divvy’ up their snacks, in the ‘damp’ ‘dank’ cave. There are also lots of fun action sequences for varying voice volume and pitch. And a host of sequels!
Wilson has a bunch of other titles that are all quite good as well but the bear books are my favorites. There are currently 10 (if I counted right!) with several board book variations and sets available.
Chapman’s illustrations are friendly, the animals at once recognizable for what they are but with a definite cartoonish quality in their faces and posturing—I think little mole is my favorite–(and ability to be friends without eating each other!) Highly, highly recommended!!
Disclosure: Some of the links below are affiliate links, meaning, at no additional cost to you, I will earn a small commission if you click through and make a purchase.
Marlee’s world is changing. Her older brother is off to college, her sister is being shipped off to their grandmother’s because the high schools are all closed in protest of integration and she’s not sure she’ll be able to handle things on her own. She’s basically a selective mute speaking only to her family (mostly her sister) and providing one word answers at school when forced. And then Elizabeth shows up. Liz has a way of pulling the words out of Marlee and making her do things she never thought possible. But when it’s discovered that Liz is actually a light-skinned Negro their friendship becomes forbidden. Their world is volatile and the racial tensions in the city are real and life threatening.
When Liz goes back to her school she enlists Marlee to help her learn to be quiet and ignore the comments and slams she receives. The girls sneak around in an effort to see each other and call each other on the phone using fake names. Their efforts lead to more and more trouble until it escalates into an older white boy’s violent actions against Liz’s family and neighbors. But the girls won’t be deterred.
Listening to the lions in the nearby Little Rock zoo roar each night Marlee bolsters her courage (much as the lion in the Wizard of Oz, a movie the girls see together, does as well.) She decides to do what she can to keep the first friend she’s ever had.
Marlee and Liz deal with realistic portrayals of racism, ignorance and bigotry even from members of their own families. There’s a lot of history here with some background information on the NAACP, Emmitt Till, John Carter, the KKK, the Little Rock Nine, lynchings, bombings and more. There’s enough info given to explain the gravity of the situation without dwelling on it all, as befits the target audience.
Marlee is a fantastic character with a great voice and insight into the people around her. Because so much of her dialogue (at least at the beginning of the book) is internal we see her growth and evolution in a very direct way through her thoughts but also the words she chooses to say aloud and those she chooses to say them to.
Here’s a sampling: You see, to me, people are like things you drink. Some are like a pot of black coffee, no cream, no sugar. They make me so nervous I start to tremble. Others calm me down enough that I can sort through the words in my head and find something to say.
My brother, David, is a glass of sweet iced tea on a hot summer day, when you’ve put your feet up in a hammock and haven’t got a care in the world… (pg 5)
Each new person she comes to interact with is labeled in this way; bubbly sodas, wholesome milk, shots of whiskey. Eventually it all leads to this conclusion near the end of the book:
Summing people up as a cola or a coffee wasn’t really fair. Most people were a whole refrigerator full of different drinks. Trying to force them into one cup or one glass meant I never really got to know them. (pg 271)
Not only does little Marlee find her voice but through her influence the people around her find their voices as well and slowly change begins to come. This is a quietly powerful fictionalization of ‘the lost year,’ 1958 (the year following the events of the Little Rock Nine) and I highly recommend it to anyone interested in history, the Civil Rights movement, equality or just plain great stories.
