Starting Again

I’ve started this post at least a dozen times. And re-written this version at least a dozen more. Basically it’s been a long, rough road to get back to where I am. And in light of everything that’s happening in the world my own issues seem trivial and unimportant. But the fact is, even though they’re not global or newsworthy they’re still trials I have to go through and battle each and every day and there are millions of us going through similar struggles against the backdrop of something bigger than us all. This is not to diminish the things happening around us (that is not at all my intention so please don’t misunderstand) this is simply to acknowledge that I see you and I understand. I know that your anxiety or depression or struggles with your health or weight, your battle with your beliefs, your search for God or goodness or healing or hope, your family issues, your job and money concerns didn’t stop or go away because we suddenly found ourselves dealing with a pandemic or racial injustice or climate change and natural disasters. In fact, if you’re like me, they’ve gotten worse while simultaneously being pushed to the side so we could focus on everything screaming into our faces day in and day out. And rightly so. Our world is in great need of change and healing and we, the people, have proven to ourselves time and again that we don’t value the minority. And when the minority goes ignored for years on end it has no choice but to start screaming. So please get out there and march and vote and let your voice be heard. Let’s make some changes and shake up the establishment. But when you’re done, come back and continue reading.

Welcome back, where were we? Oh yes, you! How are you? No, how are you really? Take a deep breath and answer honestly. Those issues that got pushed aside? Let’s pull them out and shine the spotlight on them for just a moment. It hurts, doesn’t it? It hurts that they are still there. We are powerful enough to enact change in our communities and our world and yet those thorns in our side continues to nag at us and make our daily life a misery. It’s so often easier to ignore them, work around them, push past them in order to do what needs to be done. But I’m slowly learning, that just like those issues that build and finally erupt on a global scale, our own issues behave in much the same way. We can only ignore them for so long before we find that they are screaming in our faces, impossible to ignore. The easiest example to see is a health issue that we power through because we don’t have time to deal with it. Eventually our body takes charge and we often find ourselves flat in bed (or worse) literally unable to go any further until we acknowledge the weakness, nurture it, allow it to heal and then hopefully move on stronger and wiser. The key in this process is the acknowledgement of it…whether we do this on our own or are forced to by the condition itself, nothing changes until the acknowledgement occurs.

So, even though there are history-making things at play all around us we need to take the time to acknowledge what is ours right here, right now. It’s okay to be struggling. It’s okay to have other things to deal with than pandemics and conversations about race. It’s okay to not be able to fully participate in those conversations and debates because we have to have the strength left to deal with what is our particular lot in life. Own it and know that sometimes it will own you.  And that’s okay. That’s part of being human. Even if we like to think that everyone else has it better or easier than us, we’ve all got sh** to deal with and that’s the truth.

So, the next few posts will be an acknowledgement of my sh**. No answers or cures, just my paltry experiences and insights in an effort to get myself back to “normal” (whatever the heck that even means these days.) The book reviews will return. I’ll enlighten you as to some of the things I’ve been up to the past year and a half (good grief!) And I’ll get into a routine again because I’ve desperately missed this. But for now, we’re going to explore some vulnerabilities and see what we can do to just get moving again. Join me, won’t you?

One Reply to “Starting Again”

  1. Melissa Brown says: Reply

    This has spoken to my heart and I can’t wait to read more! You have put words to things that I have been feeling, but haven’t been able to describe. Thank-you!

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