Owning My Struggles

The past year and a half has been an interesting ride. And aside from the past few months there are few things I can point a finger at and name as causes or effects of the minor breakdown I’ve been working through. I’m coming to think it’s just life and that leaves me both comforted and frustrated at the same time.

I’ve battled anxiety and depression on varying levels off and on for years. Sometimes I can pinpoint triggers for the panic attacks or bouts of depression and sometimes they come on unawares. I’ve also struggled with some health issues (some diagnosed but most not) for the bulk of those same years. And it seems as I reach that lovely age of middleness that my coping mechanisms and strategies are losing their efficacy, the triggers are more sensitive and it takes a lot more effort to bounce back. And that compounds the problem (not being able to do what I used to or what I want or think I should contributes to the feeling of failing, that I’ll never measure up and what’s the point anyway…vicious circle!)

I constantly set goals that I don’t reach and strive to push myself harder than I can handle because I’m working with an old mindset (my mindset but now outdated.) The trick is in learning to accept and acknowledge where I am NOW and how I can work within those parameters to set new goals that still equal progress (even if the progress is much slower than I want it to be.) It’s a constant battle that I have to fight every single day…which ironically, often leaves little energy for actually working on said goals.  But I’ve noticed that when I can slow down and breathe and focus on the now (over the future or even the goal) I stay on track better and longer leaving more energy for the goals. But like I said, it’s not a habit yet, it’s still an every day struggle.

Some things that help (when I can get out of my head enough to just do them…)

  • Yoga–I am old and have been inflexible since birth, but I feel great when it’s all over! I absolutely adore Yoga with Adriene on YouTube.
  • Meditation—So hard, but so helpful even if it’s just for a few minutes. Sometimes I’ll zone out while staring at a flame and sometimes I actively try to empty my mind while repeating a mantra. Either way works.
  • Deep breathing –I might be the shallowest breather known to man. This is a surprisingly constant struggle. I have many, many alarms on my phone set to remind me to do this throughout the day.
  • Uplifting reading–Things like scriptures, poetry, even some self-help books—reading for fun or learning is a different category!
  • Water–Drink it and observe/listen to it!
  • Music–whatever kind feeds your soul. If you’re not sure, listen to a bit of everything and figure it out!
  • Nature–Sometimes it’s watching through my kitchen window the puppy across the way romp across the grass, sometimes it’s a legit hike or mountain excursion or just a few minutes with my feet in the grass.
  • Gratitude–The days I take time to sit and reflect and list 3 things I’m grateful for go immensely better than the days I don’t.
  • Forgiveness–This is a lot harder and less concrete than gratitude, but just as vital-forgive yourself, forgive others, forgive yourself again.
  • Creating–Wow, this one was eye-opening and huge! I’ve GOT to find a way to be creative every single day. It’s like its own form of medication/meditation. And one of the reasons why I’m writing this right now.

These are just a few. If there’s anyone out there actually reading this, I’d love to hear what helps you stay focused, be successful (whatever that might look like for you), and make progress. What am I missing? What should I try?              

Music Monday ~ Welcome, November!

Silver Lake fall leaves

How the heck is it already November!? I feel like time is not just marching on but it somehow got a hold of a fast Italian sports car and is steadily trying to run me over. This month is absolute madness around here and the holidays are just around the corner which means the list of things to do has multiplied a thousand-fold and is begging me to gift-wrap, bedazzle and hand-deliver every item while singing carols…and probably dancing too. Sheesh! I’m exhausted just thinking about it.

In an effort to tame just a bit of that madness I made a goal last year to get Christmas cards and neighbor gifts and the bulk of the shopping done by Thanksgiving so that we could spend the month of December in a state of relative relaxation just enjoying each other’s company and all the events and hoopla that will inevitably crop up. Little did I know that we would book a spontaneous trip to Ireland, that I’d take it into my head to plan a surprise party for my husband’s 50th birthday, have tickets to several concerts and performances, and start the month out with an awesome cold. Add to that the preparations for Thanksgiving and everything I need to do to help contribute to this amazing event at the end of the month, and well, there’s a lot on my plate. Needless to say it won’t all get done in the time or way I’d hoped but I’ve decided to just go with it rather than stressing. (We’ll see how well that works, but that’s the plan!)

So, my Christmas cards have become Thanksgiving cards which will give me a chance to shower my loved ones with gratitude for their influences in my life. And hopefully will be a bit more personal and standout rather than becoming lost in the deluge at Christmas time. It also gives me a great opportunity to share this Thanksgiving playlist with everyone. One of the things that has saved my sanity over and over again throughout my life is music. I firmly believe heaven will be one continual musical with people spontaneously breaking into song and dance at every opportunity (and I firmly believe that I will thus be blessed with the ability to dance!) So, as I will wish to everyone on my Christmas card list a few moments carved out of the craziness to be able to listen with those they love, so I wish to you.

And here are a few other things I’ve learned that have helped me make it through some of the busier moments:

  • Make a list! While it’s sometimes overwhelming to see the pages and pages of things that need to get done it makes it so much easier for me to group tasks together, prioritize and work out a plan of attack. Can you make phone calls while waiting in the carpool line? Can you group errands to save you some trips?
  • Make a list part 2. Take a really good look at that list. Can you outsource anything? Or drop it altogether? While we sometimes think that we need to do it all, honestly some things just aren’t important. If it’s not going to feed your soul (or your family) then maybe it doesn’t really need to be on the list. Be honest and brutal…it’s okay to say no, to buy cookies for the bake sale instead of making them, or let the kids skip out on soccer this season. The world won’t end. I promise.
  • Take time to take care of yourself. This one can be tough. It’s easy to justify skipping the workout to squeeze in another load of laundry or eating the cookies instead of an actual lunch but resist! The old adage ‘if mama ain’t happy ain’t nobody happy’ applies in spades here. If you’re well-rested and healthy you can take better care of everyone and everything. So find a few minutes to do some yoga or meditation, stock the fridge with some quick, healthy snacks, stick to your sleep routine; your immune system will thank you.
  • Take care of yourself part 2. Schedule in a few minutes daily to unplug, unwind, and really relax. This works especially well if it’s something out of the ordinary so that it truly feels like a splurge and gives your mind a chance to reboot. Grab an adult coloring book, savor a piece of fancy chocolate, take a walk and observe what’s around you, immerse yourself in a song or piece of music; whatever it is that makes you happy make sure you find a little time to do it fully and mindfully.

What are your favorite tips for preparing for a stressful event or time? (or keeping your sanity on a normal day?!) Any favorite songs you listen to around the holidays? I’d love to hear about them!

And good luck to all of you and whatever holiday madness may come your way. You’ve got this!

Music Monday ~ Garth Brooks

I’m not sure how I missed this one last year but I’m listening to it on repeat this year. I absolutely love the message (and I love watching Garth Brooks get all emotional in the video.) Such a wonderful reminder of what’s really important. And it’s always fun to add a new favorite to my holiday playlist!

Words of Wisdom ~ Giving Thanks

Logan Barn

The grateful man sees so much in the world to be thankful for, and with him the good outweighs the evil. Love overpowers jealousy, and light drives darkness out of his life. 

-Joseph F Smith

I love that we begin the holiday season with counting our blessings and giving thanks. I think it helps to put things into perspective and (ideally) sets us on a path toward charity and giving as we head towards Christmas.

I had the opportunity to spend time with the hubs’ family this year. We ventured north to Logan, a rural college town (go Aggies!) where the pace is slower and the air a bit fresher. Our holiday was perfectly chill with lots of food, great discussions and book recommendations, good movies and several walks around the neighborhood enjoying the splendors of nature. I’m so grateful for all of those things, pretty much all the favorites of my life. I hope your holiday was blessed and your plates full!